Monday, March 17, 2003

Breakfast with Emeril and the dust-dinosaurs

Would breakfast in bed served by celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse be your idea of Mother's Day nirvana? I've been thinking about this since I saw a pitch for Good Morning America's "Emeril's Breakfast in Bed Contest," and I'm not so sure this is going to be as good a deal for the winning mom as it is for "Good Morning America." I mean, sure, it means you get a decent meal on your special day, something of which I have not always been assured (my husband's still living down the year he forgot to make reservations at my favorite restaurant and we wound up at some two-bit diner off the highway, not that he cares). And since the prize will be awarded based on an essay detailing why you're deserving of such a special repast, it means you'll actually get some recognition for your motherly wonderfulness, instead of merely prying a "Happy Mother's Day" out of your nearest and dearest. It would certainly be exciting to have a film crew in one's house and a famous chef in one's kitchen -- especially to my son, who's a devoted viewer of "Emeril Live" and would be fairly thrilled to have Emeril live in his own abode (not to mention the cars and trucks that would probably accompany him and the film crew, and the keys he might be able to beg a look at).

It would be thrilling, sure... if the prize included the complete and thorough cleaning and organizing of my home, including the replacement of my crotchety oven and redecorating of my messy bedroom. Without that -- well, I could start cleaning up the desk area of my bedroom now and it wouldn't be done by Mother's Day 2004. Do I want all of America to see my fingerprinted kitchen cabinets and sticky kitchen floor and kitchen walls pockmarked by food flung from the jittery fingers of a nine-year-old boy who still eats with his hands? Do I want all of America to see the dust-dinosaurs under my bedroom furniture and the kid videos stacked to precarious heights and the shoes that I never quite manage to stick back in my closet? Good night, America, no way. I'll keep my Mother's Day celebration in the family, thank you very much -- although if my kids wanted to bring me breakfast in bed, that would be just fine with me.

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